13283: The One Question You Can Ask That Just Might Make Someone Love You

Raw transcript:

I’ve been asked for help, for support,
for answers
from many different constituencies
uh in my life, friends, family, clients,
students, uh peers, and I’ve settled on
one particular succinct question to
really dig deep for what they actually
need. And they love it. And sometimes
they love me. Let’s talk about it in
this episode of the VO Heroes
podcast.
Somebody comes to you and they say,
“Listen, I really need your help. I need
to figure out how to do this or I need
uh advice on that or can you show me how
to do this or would it be possible for
you?” You you get these requests all the
time. you get somebody who needs your
help
and
I always want to clarify what exactly it
is that they need that they’re missing
that I can do to help them in the best
way possible. And you can ask lots and
lots of questions for details trying to
dig deep into what they’re actually
looking for. The one question that I’ve
settled on in the last probably decade
or so, and I don’t know why, because I
am a fan of baseball, but I’m not like a
nut job about baseball like I am about
football and basketball and volleyball,
but uh this has turned out to be a
touchstone that people when I ask it,
they go, “Well, let me tell you what I
think.” You know, and they go deep into
their answer. They go they tell me
details. They they say, “Yeah, so I
think here’s what you know, here’s the
question. You ready?”
Somebody says they need my help. I say
to them, “Okay, so what would be a home
run for you?”
And just let it stand. I don’t follow it
up with any explanation as to what I’m
asking. It is a it is an an easy
question to gro
and unless they live in a country where
baseball doesn’t exist, uh, you know, it
it immediately hits home and they go,
“Oh, that’s a great question. Thank you
so much for asking. Okay, so here’s what
I really need.” and you get to dive in.
And it helps you because sometimes
people ask for help in a way that is
tentative
or obtuse because they may be
embarrassed about the situation that
they’re in or fearful of something or
they’re not quite sure what they don’t
know. So, they ask the question in kind
of a uh an odd way or they don’t have
any idea and they need clarification
from you. But the moment you say, “So
great, I’d be happy to help you. What
would be a home run for you?” You’re
asking them to give you the best results
possible?
What help from me can I give this person
that would make them the happiest, the
least painful, uh the most accomplished?
give them a tool or a process or
something that really moves them forward
in their career or their relationship
with something or their pursuit. You
know, there a million different ways of
of of of looking at this and the phrase
what would be a home run for you
instantly resonates. Now, I’m not saying
you need to use that phrase. You
certainly steal it. You want to use it.
Believe me, it’s really effective.
But you may have something that you come
up with that uh you know what would be a
three-point play for you if you know the
person loves basketball or what would be
a touchdown for you. Um I I don’t know
sports analogies who knows you know what
would be a 300 game for you if you have
a friend who really really is into
bowling. Um, but that notion of putting
yourself in a position of asking them to
imagine
the best possible outcome and share that
with you.
Uh, really tends to pull back the
curtains on things where clarity isn’t
necessarily a part of the equation. So,
what would be a home run for you? Let me
know in the comments below. Actually,
let me know in the comments below if you
have a go-to question like this or if
this question makes all kinds of sense.
Thank you very much. Uh or if there’s uh
you know like hesitancy on your part to
even get involved with people who can’t
be clear about their you know what
they’re looking for from you. I don’t
know. I’d love to start a conversation
about it though. I found it to be
extraordinarily effective
and you may be one of those people that
I’ve asked this question of. Who knows?
Uh, you can certainly join my mailing
list and get all kinds of things that
would be home runs for you. Go down to
the bottom of this page if you’re on
vheroes.com, leave a comment, but also
join the mailing list. And also, you can
hit the like button if you like what
you’re hearing in this episode or other
episodes. Uh, you can uh subscribe to
the channel. You can click the
notification bell and we’ll let you know
when the next episode comes out. Share
this with somebody who is often asked
for help and doesn’t know quite how to
respond to it or somebody who you’ve
helped. Right?
I’d be thrilled if you if you spread the
word. I’d love that. I’m David H.
Lawrence the 17th. I thank you so much
for watching and for listening and I
will see you in the next episode of the
VO Heroes Podcast.

(from YouTube)