73 Videos In, My First Hater Appears
It had to happen sooner or later.
Someone decided that I’m a whole lot of nothing with these videos.
But then, that’s the way it always is…eventually, we all do something to really tick someone off. Here’s what I did.
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Hope this helps!
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hey there it’s David H Lawrence the 17th
and as you know I’m in the midst of this
year-long challenge a new video every
day and 73 videos in it had to happen
sooner or later my first hater has made
themselves known I you know look
somebody decided that I’m just a whole
bunch of nothing with these videos at
least the video that they watch because
they they left the comment I’m not
taking these comments down you can read
the comment it’s in the video below the
video about getting started versus
getting ready spending too much time
kind of getting everything all in order
I thought it was pretty clear as to what
the point of that was but you know it
just didn’t it didn’t hit this person
and haters a harsh word I don’t think
yeah well I don’t know maybe but I don’t
think he actually hates me but it
brought to mind that sooner or later
when you choose to express your opinion
publicly you’re gonna take somebody off
you’re gonna tick somebody who maybe
likes you otherwise but you say
something that they totally disagree
with you don’t know what you’re talking
about I mean you know the whole getting
started versus getting ready that’s a
whole bunch of nothing you know I
thought it had a valid point but that
was me that was what I thought right I
touched a nerve of one of my clients
when I did the video about the Rochester
weather man who I thought shouldn’t have
been fired because I thought he just hit
simply had a slip of the tongue he
didn’t really uh tur a racial slur that
would require for thought and intent and
all that anyway I had somebody who was
just really really mad at me about that
and that I didn’t understand and you
don’t know what I’m tied on oh what I’m
voice is calm the the video that I made
about voice is calm and how I responded
to their query about whether or not I
wanted to be a part of their coaching
program a very prominent coach one of my
peers and again you can read the comment
because it’s still on the video wrote me
a pretty nasty note about who am I to
judge you know judging is for God well
we we judge every day
not we’re not God but we judge
everything every day we judge whether or
not the lights gonna turn red before we
get to it and we judge whether or not
the food we’re eating is good we judge a
lot of things and clearly I have an
opinion on this and I want to make sure
that I do my job and my job in many ways
is to defend the success of the careers
of my clients and my viewers and my
students and when I see something
happening that I think is an injustice
yeah I got a call people on it
you know everybody judges it’s not it’s
not something that you can avoid you can
sugarcoat it and say oh I’m just making
a comparison I’m not really judging
right so and it and you know all through
my life this has happened sooner or
later I you know if I if I’m in a
relationship with an entity long enough
something is going to happen where I
speak my mind and they get upset with me
I remember I had a great relationship
with my audience when I was doing
mornings at Q 107 in Washington DC this
was in the mid 80s and there was an
issue where a local hospital was being
picketed for performing abortions on
demand now you would think yourself oh
don’t talk about abortions you know I
wasn’t I they they were preventing
people not from going to the part of the
hospital where abortions were being
performed but from actually going to
where the blood bank was to give blood
they’re like why would you give blood to
a hospital that performs abortions on
demand and I just casually mentioned
that on the air now I was working in a
radio station that was playing the most
music in the morning and it taught me a
very valuable lesson I said why would
that be the key and the phone started
ringing like crazy on both sides of the
issue you know and my program director
said if you ever do that again if you
ever bring up a divisive issue on this
radio station I’m gonna fire you on the
because what I didn’t realize at the
time was my job was not to be honest my
job was to make the most people the most
happy out of the audience as possible
and in doing so doing that by not
upsetting anybody so staying away from
gun control and abortion and and
religion and you know all this stuff so
you know I figured it would happen
faster than this cuz when I started
doing this I’m like how long is it gonna
take before somebody gets really P OD at
me and it took 73 videos for someone to
really leave a comment that had some
some real like dismissive bite to it I
mean I welcome that I mean I don’t want
to know what people have to say I’d like
there to be a nice congenial
disagreement if there’s gonna be a
disagreement I’d like it to be
respectful but if somebody’s just gonna
do a drive-by and and leave a comment
like that well that was a whole bunch of
okay well that says a lot about them as
well as about what they got from what I
did I’d love to know what they didn’t
understand or what they why they felt it
was a waste of time I want to generate a
conversation anyway I had conversation
about this with a number of people that
I’m close to and a couple of them were
like well I would never have said that
I mean you know you realize it’s your
fault because you said something and I’m
wondering if that stops you in the
comments below let me know if you find
yourself censoring yourself chilling
yourself because you don’t want to tick
somebody off you don’t want to rock the
boat you don’t want to be the one that
says the wrong thing and ruins the
relationship you know I was able to
patch the relationship up with my
audience and with my program director
and I’m hoping that the guy that thought
I shouldn’t be judgmental the other
coach still respects me maybe he doesn’t
he likes voices.com and works in their
coaching program and you know I hope
that my client who got upset when I was
talking about the weather man in
Rochester you know I hope he understands
my position isn’t one of promoting
racism it’s one of promoting
understanding of a physical you know
alternative situation you can see all
these videos by going back and looking
at them but I wonder if that’s happened
to you and maybe it’s helped shape your
two touchy subjects sensitive issues
divisive things let me know I’ll leave a
comment below wherever you’re seeing
this video I’d love it if you were
watching the videos on VOD go go comm
because that’s where I’m trying to get
the most mass of all this together
certainly comments are being left on
YouTube but I don’t see those as quickly
as I see the ones on V o to go TOCOM so
if you want to leave me a comment don’t
reply to the notice that there’s a new
video go to the video and you’ll see
comments below and just leave me a
comment let me know what you think about
this stuff and let me know what’s
happening about this in your life if
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cuz that’s what they do
they’re awesome I’m David H Lawrence the
17th I thank you so much for watching
these no matter how you feel about what
I’m doing and I will talk to you
In my 55 years on this Green Earth, if I have learned one thing…no matter what you think, there are millions who think differently. And yes, I do censor myself quite alot. I stay as far away from religion and politics as I can unless I know the person I am talking to is an open minded individual who I can have an intellectual exchange with. That is also why my Facebook page is usually nothing but stupid jokes and pictures of my cats. 🙂
I’m an actress and director living outside the major markets now and a proud member of the acting unions. I hate the current climate of control that rules actors’ social media accounts for fear of losing jobs. I think we will look back at this as a time when artists’ voices were muzzled just when we needed to hear them the most.
Speak your truth. The world needs to hear it.
ALWAYS, David. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’ve upset someone by what I’ve said, or HOW I’ve said it, as I get older, I attempt to ‘sensor’ myself more and more… But, most recently, I’ve had to deal with Members of my classes telling me they “Hate my class” and will “quit the gym because of me”! I mean, it’s extreme. And it STINGS. But, We cannot please everyone:-(. I attempt to focus on all the happy/positive people. Those thrilled they’re getting in better shape, those who tell me I chase away their depression:-) You inspire a whole lot of us! Thank you for sharing.
Guess the AAA strategy you shared awhile back would work here with the Hater: Acknowledge, Align and Assure.
Co-Hosting a Shock Rock show a few decades back had Me under fire often. It was hurtful to hear the assaults, but I agree, everybody judges and it is inevitable we will not be liked by everyone. Despite your clarity I know it was disappointing, after all we are human.Thanks for sharing David.
That’s exactly how I responded – and haven’t heard back from them.
I think these videos are great! I watch and save most of them (I have to admit, I don’t relate to ALL the videos), but I’m sure not going to chastise YOU because they don’t apply directly to ME. There’s a ton of useful info in these videos and I’m hanging onto them for future reference.
As far as censoring myself…well…I’m not now, nor will I ever be accused of being politically correct, but it also seems like people get bent over the smallest things these days. Oh, well…
Thank-you again for the excellent videos.
Hi David, yes – this all resonates so much. My background is from working on a broadcast network that was already highly sensored. We knew what hot button issues were and we were mandated to avoid them. That experience carries on into my life professionally and personally – as I will filter everything and sometimes not say anything, because it’s a safer choice.
As i have gotten older, I have noticed my filters have become thinner and thinner. But having said that, I also hope that my tolerance for others points of view has grown (except for racists, sexists, misogynists, and, in general, those who spew hate). I had a conversation with someone recently whose opinion is not only valued by my family’s company, we pay her as a non-family director on our board. And in this conversation, she told me that she didn’t believe that Obama’s birth certificate was valid. She is very well educated, worldly, well traveled, and I was stunned. However, because of the relationship we already have, we were able to have a reasonable discussion and I really tried hard to listen to her, and not listen to respond. It was hard! But that is what building bridges takes. Here is the conundrum. How can I expect someone to listen to my point of view, if I don’t respect them enough to listen to theirs? It doesn’t hurt or disrespect my point of view to listen. Ever. But it may open someone else’s heart to feel they have been respected.
My 2 cents.
I tend to speak pretty plainly about things most of the time, at least with people in my immediate sphere of influence. I’m usually a little concerned about the consequences but I try to use as much tact as possible. If someone doesn’t like my opinion, I try to acknowledge it, talk it out, and move on. Thanks for the video David.
Part of living in a successful society is being mindful of what we say to others. So, yes, I do watch what I say, though not as much as I used to. As I’ve come into my 60s I find I’m a little looser with opinions and judgements than I used to be, and if someone is offended, they need to ask themselves why, rather than expect me to grovel at their feet with disengenuous contrition. It completely irritates me today that politicians and news media feel obligated to pound their chests and say mia culpa about some stupid remark they made 15 years ago or something written in their high school yearbook. Really? Is that what’s important today?
But I digress. See what I mean, not quite as mindful as I used to be. 🙂
In regard to clients or potential clients (which is everyone), yes, I do attempt to not burn bridges with controversy or divisiveness. But what you said here today had another impact on me as well. I read an Audacity review the other day that absolutely butchered me and my performance. Not the book. Me. It was outright vicious. Now, after 35 years on the theatre stage, I’m used to moving on from a bad review, but this particular one was directed at book #2 in a 3-book PFH series and could potentially harm my chances at #3. So it bothered me because it threatened my livelihood. What you said here resonated with me in this regard … “haters gonna hate” so to speak. The only way to not offend/tick off someone at some point is to not put ourselves out there at all. Not gonna do that.
Sorry, I’m a bit babble-y today. 🙂 So, thank you for the reminder that we aren’t going to please everyone all the time, just do what we can and be honest with ourselves about it.
UPDATE ON VICIOUS REVIEW: It cost me the other two books in the series. It was an author-invited reviewer whom the author fired from her review team, but it still cost me the other books. She wants to use me for a different project next year, but the damage is done. As this is a PFH author, I’m not a happy camper.
Fuck the haters! I look forward to watching these videos every day, and I have seen every single one of them. I think you’ve really only had one dud out of the lot, but hey, they can’t all be winners. I used to never censor myself, but being an on camera actor, I do find myself censoring what comes out of my mouth when I am auditioning or on the set.
Keep Goin! I’m going to keep watching!
Hi David, I would implore you not to let the comments of this one person discourage you from making these amazing videos. As other people have said, we are learning a tremendous amount from them. If this person does not like the content you are offering, that’s ok, we do. To this person, there are literally millions of You Tube channels out there, so please go watch one of them and do not bring your negativity to something that we truly appreciate. I commend you for making these videos everyday and sharing your wisdom with us given that you probably have an extremely busy schedule. By the way, great video regarding your Type 2 Diabetes. I also have it and can testify that it is very hard to control sometimes. Keep up the great work!
Just as we judge things every day, as you said in the video, we censor ourselves every day according to the people we are talking to. Speaking just for myself, I certainly do both – judge and censor. But I would say it’s a universal mechanism for getting along as a social being, basic socialization. It’s part of what we learn from our families and friends and are taught in school. What you are asking about is a matter of degree. We all censor. How much?
What I found interesting was that the particular “hated” video happened to be one that resonated very strongly with me (and has proved useful with procrastination tendencies). “Get started rather than getting ready” is now on a post-it on my computer.
Dunno if this is a midwestern saying, or something with wider reach, but growing up, there was a concern about “going off” on a topic. “Oh, don’t go off on me!” or “well, it’s not worth going off on, even if it’s annoying.” The more confidence I build that there will still be clients, even if I remain true to my ethics, the less I censor myself. But I there is still a fear of “going off” if my concern or interest becomes too passionate.
When people talk about taking risks, I think they’re often thinking of the big steps – quitting their job to do VO full time, or burning a bridge with a family member, or sinking their life savings into an invention. But daily putting ideas, opinions, and beliefs out into the world is the kind of risk that comes along every day. It’s no less scary, but at least we can build up some exposure to it, and with that exposure, lose some of the fear.
David. Judgment. Once upon a time, we used to call it discernment. I still do. Keep talking. We love you.
I really like Good & Plenty candy… I eat them while I watch and listen to your videos… Who cares what people think.