0026: Three Tools To Help Make Sense Of The Senseless
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Show notes
Hey there, hero!
We face daily challenges to the sense of order and control that we crave.
This goes for our work as performers, as well as social, political and emotional interactions. We’re faced with things we don’t understand, can’t control and can’t fix.
And it can be maddening, and make us lash out, or have others lash out at us.
(Just google “anti-mask” and click on the video results.)
I have three tools I’d like to share with you that might make things a bit more tolerable in a world that could use a bit more tolerance.
Let me know your thoughts below.
Raw captioning:
it is an understatement
to say that we live in challenging
and uncertain times times that
uh we find ourselves struggling much
more than normally and
i’d like to offer you three things
that i think might be helpful
as we try to make sense of things that
are nonsensical
things that are senseless and i’d like
to do that with you
in this episode of the vo heroes podcast
[Music]
so for those of you that are union
performers we’re going through
a really really hard process right now
accepting and understanding what’s
happening with our union health plan
um in a nutshell some
major changes were made because no
production is happening
and yet people that are participants in
the plan are still being covered
and those changes are really difficult
for a lot of people to handle
just like so many things in politics so
many things regarding
the pandemic so many things regarding
our leadership are really hard for some
people to handle
and as human beings we don’t like it
we hate it when we can’t find
a solid reliable answer to something
we hate uncertainty it drives us crazy
or if we can’t control something even if
we don’t know the answer
we still can’t ameliorate it or control
it or have some sort of
um governance of it and that
drives us absolutely crazy as human
beings
and i fear it makes us do some things
that are
not only counterproductive
but actually dangerous
so we tend to and i’m going to be
honest actors are great examples of this
we tend to get really really upset
dig in our heels and start screaming
and looking for someone to blame
and in some cases there isn’t anyone
or any organization to blame
we also don’t consider the alternatives
we only see what is threatening us
and we want to stop that but we don’t
necessarily
accept the fact that there could be a
worse threat
for example in the health care uh
situation with our union
people are like we just need to roll
back to where we were before the
pandemic this this is
this this new structure just isn’t going
to work we have to well the alternatives
is
that the health care plan goes away
entirely
we have no protection whatsoever
but what i wanted to do was just share
with you three things that have helped
me
when faced with things like this
i try to notice first when
i’m feeling like i want to lash out like
i want to
uh yell and scream and place blame and
so on
and i look at these three things and
make sure that i’ve engaged in all three
of them the first one
is asking the question of the person
that’s presenting
their position what led you to believe
that or
how do you know that if somebody is
saying
a you know cotton candy will cure
coronavirus
and they are dead serious that cotton
candy will cure
could they they read it on the web so it
must be true
the answer to the question of how do you
know this doesn’t
include well there have been probably a
dozen or more
randomized studies that show that
cotton candy clearly and i’ll give you
the links to those it’s like
if you can’t answer that question
to the satisfaction of the person asking
it’s likely not
a very effective argument and when you
present that to someone who’s making an
argument
that’s a little odd a little little
unbelievable
and you say hey look how do you know
this i’d love to know i’d love to know
where you got this information or how
you came to this conclusion
what led you to believe that
and ask yourself that question as well
when you’re
getting ready to lash out ask yourself
why do i believe
what i believe what is leading me to
believe this and often
the answer is i don’t know
i don’t have enough information to
actually answer that question
and that often means that you’ve simply
looked for
something and latched onto it as though
it was the truth
so the first item the question is what
led you to believe that or
why do you think this the second thing
that i think very many of us
don’t engage in is the concept
of potentially being open
to reconsideration i might need to
reconsider this
that’s the statement that i often
go to i’m still um
knowing full well that anything that
helps any little bit that helps
is a help and we should do i
keep reading conflicting stuff from from
big organizations
and from respected individuals
about the effectiveness of masks i wear
a mask everywhere i just want to be
clear
even if it helps a little bit that’s
great but
we went from having n95s with valves to
not having n95s with valves because
that puts other people in danger uh
anything that covers your face is fine
except lace and loosely woven stuff
isn’t fine it’s actually worse
um but
i do say i might need to reconsider that
as i get more information
if we’re not willing to do that we
cannot progress forward
when we get new information if you’re
not willing to reconsider
if you’ve dug your heels in and
hydroxychloroquine
is not going to work or is going to work
whatever your your your take on that is
and you know you read an article by an
epidemiologist at yale who says well
wait hold on a second
my conclusion is that hydroxychloroquine
works if you catch the virus early
i don’t know if that’s true or not but i
certainly
want to be able to reconsider so
once again the first one is how do you
know that what leads you to believe that
the second one is i might need to
reconsider this be
open to the possibility that
new information can change your
conclusions and where you stand
and then the final one is one that is
really difficult to
calm yourself down and put into play but
i’m going to offer it to you anyway
i did a video last year on being
generous in your interpretations
of things with
the uh the massive
negative changes that are happening with
the union health plan
people were saying some pretty
outlandish things about
how they felt and what they perceived
and what should be done
you know why did you have to tell us
this now why couldn’t you wait until
the beginning of the year when the plan
starts
well there’s so many things wrong with
that you want to have as much time as
possible
to consider things but i understand you
don’t want to get bad news at a time
when bad news is our lives right
so why did you have to heap this on us
now i get that
uh and then also uh well what were the
alternatives they couldn’t have been
worse than this
yeah they could have been worse than
this so the third thing that i want to
share with you
is try to remember
that you can manufacture patients
you can be patient you can make the
overt decision even
if it sucks to do so even if you don’t
want to do it even if it feels
awful it feels like you’re giving up or
it feels like you’re
you’re not fighting the good fight take
a moment
breathe and ask yourself to be patient
and generous take a moment
be patient look at the situation imagine
things that you may not have imagined
right off the bat with the knee-jerk
reaction that you had to something
negative
and see how generous you can be in the
interpretation in the
in the health care plan we have these
trustees who have a fiduciary
responsibility under federal erisa law
to do whatever is the best
for the participants in the plan they
are required to they can suffer
federal felony charges and
massive consequences if they don’t
so if this horrible conclusion with the
health plan is what they had to come up
with
imagine what they didn’t do
and sometimes it’s hard to do that
because you’re just looking at this as
being attacked and being destroyed
and it’s hard to be patient
and be generous in your interpretations
if you can do that all of a sudden your
mind opens up to the first two things
well why am i thinking this how do i
know this what leads me to believe this
i might need to reconsider this
does this help at all i hope
it does because i have not said
anything on social media about the
massive
mistakes and conclusions that are
incorrect
that people are coming to when
discussing this
and many other issues in our industry in
our country
in our world because i don’t want to be
described as someone
who’s heartless or cruel
can’t you see this is causing massive
suffering
yes i see that but the more time we
spend
yelling and screaming in an unproductive
way
it’s just simply delaying the ability
that we have
to really solve the problem
so once again what leads you to believe
that
how do you know that said nicely i may
need to reconsider that
said nicely to yourself and
manufacture patience and generosity in
your interpretation
of the things that are most threatening
and destructive and
horrifying that are happening to us all
and to some of us in particular
what are your thoughts on this i’d love
to hear what you do
to cope with really difficult situations
to cope with
things that are beyond your control and
outside your lane
and beyond your purview of your
knowledge
what do you do do these things play a
role
or is it just i’m going to get on social
media and i’m going to yell and scream
and i’m going to stand up in a meeting
and tell everybody what jerks they are
what is your
what is your way of living
tell me i’d love to know if you like
what you’re hearing
in these uh in these podcast episodes
please
subscribe give me a like or a share i’d
love that
but more than anything leave comments
below on voheros.com
i’m david h lawrence 17th i thank you so
much for watching and for listening
and we’ll see you next time.
Hey thank you? David . I believe your right and I have fact checked some of the nonsense for the younger people I often come in contact with now to add in your 3 steps.Thanks again.
Outstanding notions which, when adopted, will contribute to mutual well being!
Such a crucial skillset / philosophy to cultivate in our hyperconnected, oftentimes info-distorted landscape.
As it was once pithily explained to me: “Have you ever noticed that when you have a terrible day and everyone’s a stubborn jerk, you’re always around?” ?
Humility, curiosity, and a willingness to say (especially when it’s not worth arguing): “You might be right about that.”
A visual reminder of all the things I learned from you is the little red sock cover for my microphone. Shortly after the advent of coronavirus and the emphasis on more consistent cleaning of items used by multiple people, the owner of the radio station where I work part time advised removing the windsock from the studio microphones. I thought about the little red sock I use in my home studio and bought a package of no-show socks for children. We now use a paper towel sprayed with a solution of bleach water to wash down microphones, switches, mouses (mice??), chairs, doorknobs, etc. after each use. The microphone then gets its very own little face mask in the form of the no-show sock, which of course is washable. I am also a volunteer for Audio Reader, a service for visually impaired individuals. We use the same procedure for our satellite studio. If you see me in public, there is a smile behind my face mask!
Hi David, Thanks for the grounded words of wisdom.
Firstly, I take your advice from a few years ago:
Refrain from all political comment on social media, as a way to protect my acting career from judgement of potential clients, who may hold alternative views.
Secondly, I limit myself to 2 hours of news per week. Yes, that is really it. All the truly important issues reach me.
Thirdly, because I cannot do anything to change the difficult limitations of this time, I am utilizing the opportunity for personal projects, correspondences with those dear to me and self-improvement / self-preservation.
The specifics are things like, making myself available to a friend, who is floundering at the moment, writing scripts for my own self-taping projects, taping those projects, cooking tremendously nutritious meals, updating computer systems and increasing my tech skills, yoga and meditation, viewing series and films exclusively in the genre I want to pursue professionally and making notes accordingly, educating myself on subjects I’ve had a curiosity about for a long time.
Overall, I choose to be happy. For me that means learning, having a deep inner life and allowing myself to just kick back a bit, which perhaps many of us so seldom do. I don’t consider downtime a waste of time. It’s from a quiet place that I’ve always made the most sweeping and significant decisions and changes in my life.
My glass is not half empty. My glass is not half full. My glass is brimming over.
Wishing you and your subscribers the most enriching use of their time.
M.
Can’t agree more about avoiding the news & that if it’s really important you’ll hear about it. (Someone will likely text you, LOL.) I only get news from watching select clips of late night talk shows, where the news is heavily peppered with comedy.
I also listen to stand up comics on YouTube as I shop, drive, prep meals, clean. Laughing is a delight & good for our health. Music can have the same effect. I often listen to a free Latin music app, that keeps me dancing’ thru the day! 🙂
Staying positive is an effort these days, but the effort is worth it, so that we can move forward. 🙂
Wonderful insights, Marlon. Thanks for _your_ words of wisdom.
I have one particular thing I can’t seem to get around, and that’s willful ignorance. What I mean by that isn’t “People are disagreeing with me and I don’t like it!” What I’m referring to is when people could be better but choose instead to be angry, stay misinformed, and be cruel. Two examples so–again–this isn’t about me being right.
1) People I know who work in hospitals have been trying to very patiently share information they have learned and specific experiences they are having in their facilities and they’re being bullied in support of fear, anger, or conspiracy theories. I can’t really help these people, I just don’t know how to take deep breaths and idly stand by when someone I know is being bullied by someone who is being extremely ignorant.
2) Readily available information discarded in favor of misinformation. I had a “How do you know this?” example here: someone I know shared a terrible news story about a Bill being examined by Congress. The story said some truly horrific things were in the Bill, insisted “You don’t have to read this folks! We read it, these words are there!” So I looked up the Bill. Read it in detail. Shared a link back to the actual document and patiently explained that the claims being made aren’t there (and specifically referenced where to find them).
I’m being very patient with people and I’m (mostly) staying very quiet when I see people being terrible to each other. It’s difficult though because many of these conflicts seem needless and they’re putting people I care about at each others’ throats.
I don’t want to sit still and watch the people around me detonate, but at the same time it seems like there’s not really any way I can defuse anything. Heck, there’s a strong possibility that at least one thing in this post has just made someone mad by reading it.
I neglected to mention, in the example of the Bill…it didn’t end well for me. That person pretty much shut me out for trying to do that.
That’s happened to me as well. No good deed goes unpunished.
I agree with all of your sound advice! It reminded me of my favorite quote from the old sage Lao Tzu “Just stay at the center of the circle and let all things take their course…” from the Tao Te Ching. When we allow ourselves to become calm observers, detached from all outcomes, acceptance sets in and then we can more easily discern the facts from fiction. With all of the news swirling around us minute-by-minute in the form of quick headlines, endless posts and soundbites, we can often feel like a feather in the wind. So we tend to dig in, clinging to our fast-formed opinions, without the critical consideration that we might be jumping to ill-informed conclusions. It’s tough to navigate through all of this information in today’s fast-paced society, where lies are often stated as facts and discerning the truth has become a full-time job. But you are right… as Aristotle once said “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” I try to weigh all sides and ponder the different points of view presented. I also try to maintain an open mind and stay flexible. It’s important to do a gut check and ask yourself if you are indeed jumping to conclusions, and/or if you have all of the facts before you. It takes extra time and a mindful effort, but can certainly save a lot of heartache and frustration in the end. There is no doubt that we are all feeling quite vulnerable in these surreal and painful times—thank you for the timely talk!
As always, David, you bring a calm, rational, and thoughtful approach to another of life’s challenges. Thanks so much for sharing a bit of your soul through this medium.